...and it's Halloween.

Meaning I'm stuck at home dishing out treats to bratty kids, with the sound of illegal fireworks going off all over the neighbour driving me nuts.

HALP PLOX

After a year of suffering, I've finally fixed my awful wireless internet connection.

The problem? 5 Ghz cordless phone next to the modem.

Yes, it was as simple as moving a fucking phone, how pathetic and stupid am I to have endured terrible internet service over something this lame?

Discuss/mock.

According to MyAnimeList.com, I've seen 1,531 episodes of anime (spread out over 55 TV series, 34 OVA series, 24 films and 2 TV special).

That's over 24(!) days worth of anime...better yet, due to the site's lacking database and my failing memory, that's not even an accurate estimate of the anime I've seen. I can easily assure you I've seen give or take 30 more series that I've forgotten the name of, forgotten the amounts of episodes I've seen or that the site does not have listed.

Give a look over the incomplete (and regularly updated) list yourself.

Fist of the North Star is the best action anime ever.

Disagree and be horribly killed.

Bored and tired and bored.

New MGBA on the weekend, perhaps.

Keep watch.

And I feel like total shit, I haven't had a proper meal in three days, and I've spent the past 24 hours in pain and/or hicupping.

MGBA will return (WITH A VENGEANCE) someday...

No more MGBA for a while, ol' Gendo needs surgery.

Yup, I'm heading up to Halifax on Sunday to get my wisdom teeth removed, then I'm headed right back home to rest for a week. Despite this free time, I'm not likely going to be in any mood to write, so chapter four is a bit off in the distance for now.

If I do start writing it during my time off, I will not hesitate to inform you of this.

Cheers,
Gendo

Chapter 3

It was the mother of all coincidences, get sent to a province you've never been to for no real reason and run into a man you'd love to have hot anal sex with. Gary and Matt were both quite stunned by the encounter.

"So, my good friend, what brings you to Langley?"

Gary shrugged, "I don't have a clue, Mattykins. Greg House shows up at my house one day bearing plane tickets for me and Dennis for a trip to Vancouver, then we ditched and came here for the fish and chips."

"Waitaminute, Dennis came with you?"

As soon as those words escaped his mouth, Dennis Everret Curry tackled him like a 300 pound linebacker.

"Soooooooooo, you're the infamous Matt Tosoff, eh?"

Gary was in no mood for a slap-fight/shouting contest to start, so he gave Dennis a nice open-palmed slap with the aid of his Stand.

Matt was caught off guard by this action, "SWEET COCK SANDWICH, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Heh, about that...Y'see, it turns out I've gained a Stand somehow."

"What the fuck are you, a fucking Joestar or something? C'mon, you gotta say 'Yare yare daze' for me, please!"

"Hahahaha, fine", he said before striking a hipshot pose with his right index finger extended, "Yare yare daze..."

"Man, that's cool. So, what the fuck's your Stand called? What does it do?"

"I don't know, it said I have to name it."

"Christ, what are you waiting for? It needs some kind of pop music reference, or it's not up to Hirohiko's standards."

"Hmmm, lemme think....how about 'The Bends'?"

"Great Radiohead album, I say go with it. Plus it'd probably sound cool if you yelled it really loud."

"THE BENDS!"
With that shout, a ripple of negative space shot through the store. Everything but Gary was rendered immobile, the music and chatter stopped. Time had frozen.

"Congratulations", The Bends said, "You've discovered that your Stand power is time freeze."

"Like Dio Brando's 'Worldwide Reading', or is it weak like Jotaro Kujo's 'Stop World'?"

"Closer to 'Worldwide Reading', I'd say, since it lasts longer and is easier to activate. This power shall prove to be very valuable to you in any battles you end up in, but I must warn you, other Stand users will retain mobility in the frozen time for a second or two, and Stand users with similar powers can causes rifts in the frozen time and void its effects."

"Jeez, this is a bit much for me to take in one go. What do you mean in 'in any battles you end up in'? Does this mean I'll have other Stand users after me?"

"I'm not sure, the whole world seems to be thrown into chaos due to this deterioration in the line between reality and fiction, so it'd be a safe assumption that you will have rivals to dispatch along your travels."

"Shit, this is too fucking much like an anime...it's like I'm living a dream or something..."

The Bends smiled sweetly, and then nudged Gary, "Isn't there something you need to do?"

"Oh right, I was looking for a copy of The Great Annhilator..."

"Not that, this...", she gestured at the frozen patrons of the shop.

"Oh yeeeeeeeeeah," he did his best Dio Brando imitation, "let time flow."

The music shot back on, but the sudden re-commencement of the flow of time threw off any conversations previously in progress. Matt stood dumbfounded.

"Dude, what just happened?"

Gary started to laugh, "You'd never believe me if I told you, but I just stopped time."

Everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and stared at him as if he were insane. Matt retained his dumbfounded expression.

"No.....fucking....way..."

Gary was unsurprised by his response, "Yeah, I know it's a bit hard to believe, but trust me...I froze time."

"Man, this is just too fucking great. Gary, you are blessed with freakish powers beyond imagination. May you exploit them for your and my personal gain?"

"Pray tell why?"

"I need a few hundred bucks; I'm heading up to Manchester to meet Allan for an Angels of Light show, fucker's gone all the way from Glasgow just to see 'em. If you'd be as kind as to freeze time and rob the store and its patrons blind I'd gladly take you along."

Gary performed this task without a moment's hesitation. He loved England, Allan Murray and Michael Gira more than damn near anything in life. A minute or two and $9,800 later, Matt and Gary made their great escape to the nearest airport.

END

It had been a brutal flight for our young hero Gary, for Dennis just HAD to go and be an obnoxious cunt the whole way to Vancouver. But there they were, finally arriving at their destination, even though they don't have a fucking clue why they were sent there. After a casual stroll through the duty-free store for pornography and cigars purchased with a shady fake I.D. bearing the name "Charles Munroe", the duo head out into the streets in hopes of finding some amazing adventures....or cheap ale, either would do. Not two minutes after they exit the building, they see a man, well-coifed, getting one Hell of a knob-shine from an individual who looked like a combination of Carmen Miranda and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Hey, Gary, you've gotta see this!" Dennis gleefully exclaimed.

A loud groan escaped Gary, "Ugh, see what?"

"That guy with the funky hair getting his dick sucked!"

Gary chuckled to himself; leave it to an obnoxious faggot like Dennis to notice something like this. Then he noticed something, the man being blown by the freak in the fruit-hat looked an awful lot like Morrissey. This bewildered him, since the seal hunt hating cunt was not exactly Canada's biggest fan, so what would he be doing in Vancouver?

"Fucking funny, innit?" Dennis spat whilst giving Gary a smack across the head.

The flattened hand caressed the back of his skull with all the softness of a titanium girder. Gary drew his fist to give Dennis a punch in the face and swung. Suddenly, the outline of another fist appeared over his and Dennis received a crushing blow. He topples to the ground like a sack of shit.

"HEY, WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! CALM DOWN!!!!"

Gary was awestruck, he clenched his fist again and the outline appeared once more. There was a blinding flash of light, then a strange sound. Next to Gary stood a completely solid figure, humanoid in shape, but not merely humanoid so much as completely human in appearance. His jaw dropped, and his cock shot up like a Marine standing to attention. He cried tears of joy. Standing by his side was a beautiful young girl.

"THE FUCK?!"

Gary's eyes slowly rolled back, he was in Heaven. He had just decked a fucker who had annoyed him for years and was flanked by a gorgeous vision that may or may not be real. He lifted Dennis to his feet.

"Gary, goddammit, what the Hell is going on here? First you kick my ass, now there's some chick JUST STANDING THERE!"

"Well, my annoying friend, I'm not too sure what's going on here either."

"This may be a radical idea, but you ever consider ASKING HER WHAT THE FUCK SHE'S DOING HERE?"

Clearly too boner-stoned to keep a straight face, Gary manages to quit grinning long enough to spit out "So, precisely why have you appeared here and what's your name?"

The girl put on a grin wider than his, "I am a spiritual projection of your life energy, sort of a psychic bodyguard and companion. Projections like me are commonly referred to as 'Stands' since we stand next to our user. As for a name, I do not have a name. That is up to you to select."

Gary was shocked. He had heard of Stands before, but only in fiction.

"Gary, I'm fucking freaked out now, do you have a clue what she's on about?"

"OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!!!!"

"What?"

"SO YOU MEAN TO SAY I'M LIKE A FUCKING JOESTAR?!"

His Stand giggles, "Well, no, not really."

"Gary, what the fuck is a Joestar?"

Gary inhales loudly, preparing to deliver one of his patented rants. "The Joestars are a family of Stand users from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, one of my all-time favorite anime and manga series. They are the main characters of the series and always possess the best Stands."

"Oooh, I see someone is well-informed!" the Stand chimes in.

Gary then realized how....absurd this situation was. "Waitaminute, why have I suddenly attained powers only fictional characters possess? This doesn't make much sense..."

"I myself don't really understand, since we Stands have only ever existed in the realm of the fictitious. But Stand users and other imaginary beings have begun to pop up all over the world. The reasoning for this phenomenon has yet to be discovered."

Dennis and Gary take a second to suck all this strangeness in, then in unison groan "Fuck this, let's go to Langley."

It didn't take very long to locate the nearest Sky Train. The train wasn't scheduled to leave for about twenty minutes, so it gave our heroes some time to bask in the excitement of the station.

"Man, I tell you, nothing like this back on the island..." Gary mutters to himself.

Dennis wanders around, gawking at everyone. He notices a yellow line near the edge of the platform, close to the tracks. A devilish thought crossed his mind. "Over the line, behind the line, over the line, behind the line, over the line, behind the line, over the-"

A random passerby bumps Dennis and he slides over the edge, landing on the tracks. Being the moron that he is, he's quite amused by this misfortune. Not thirty seconds after landing on the tracks, a train crushes his body to a bloody pulp.

After sitting in a haze, scratching his balls for twenty minutes, Gary stands up and walks towards the newly arrived train. He boards it, not caring that Dennis appears to be absent and rides to Langley.

After a comfortable train ride, Gary and his Stand exit the train and run right into an inexplicably alive Dennis.

"Ugh, hey man. Wanna go for fish n' chips or something?"

For once in their lives, they were hivemind. Gary was dying for some chips, so he agreed. They ran to the nearest restaurant and gorged themselves on French fries and haddock. Afterwards, Gary took off to the nearest HMV in order to satiate his craving for Swans and bad weeaboo cartoons. Scouring the racks for a copy of The Great Annihilator, he bumps into a strangely familiar person.

"Mattykins?"

"Gendo-chan?"

"MATTYKINS!"

"GENDO-CHAN!"

The person was Matt Tosoff, his assbuddy/ e-penpal. They'd been dying to meet each other for a while, but little did they realize that this meeting would change their lives forever.

END

It was 12: 46 PM in the afternoon, and Gary was just waking up for a good wank, before doing his daily routine of fucking around on the Internet. In the middle of his wank; his mother came in his room, and startled him; Gary's mother who was use to this kind of behaviour just smiles and said

"Gary, pull your pants up, and come into the kitchen for a moment, we I have some good news too tell you." Looking puzzled, Gary did what his mother asked and made his way to the kitchen. Gary, who was 15, was rather tall for his age, and quite handsome to those who could see it, his curly brown hair, and his peach-fuzz moustache seemed to suit him rather well. When Gary arrives in the kitchen he sees his mother holding a plane ticket, and a man, dressed in black, holding a cane. This man was none other than Gregory House. Gary stared in disbelief; thinking about all the things he wanted House to do to him acts of violent, rough sexual intercourse.

"Well this is a fine afternoon isn't it?" spoke House, in which Gary replied with:

"OH MY GOD TAKE MY VIRGINITY NOW ON THI- I mean, hello; what brings you to Cape Breton? And mom, what is that plane ticket for?

"Spare me your inquiries, you're mother doesn't know who sent the ticket, I'm here because I unfortunately have an illegitimate child who needs child support, and who found out that you've got a plane ticket."

"Oh" Gary said "but who's your child, and that doesn't quite explain why you're her, in my house; with your pants still on, when they should be off; and your penis in my mouth, but that's another story. Where am I going anyways?"

"It says on this ticket, Vancouver, British Columbia" Gary's mother said, all of a sudden someone came out of nowhere and kneed Gary in his lower back. Gary immediately screamed "FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK" at the top of his lungs. When Gary looked up he saw his idiot friend Dennis.

"Hah, Gary, nice to see you otaku faggot." Said Dennis, "We're going to have so much fun in BC"

"What, you're coming too? God kill me now so I don't have to board a plane with his retarded behaviour." Gary replied.

"This would explain your question, who is my child, unfortunately, this half-brain is my child; I should stop mixing wine with Percocet, boy I get quite drunk. Which also explains why I'm in your house; I must escort you to the airport, and obviously this comes as a shock to you, because we must catch the plane 4 hours from now, so hurry the fuck up and pack, I have to get back here for time with your mother." Said House.

Gary's mother was instantly blushing, and Gary just looked in disapproval.

"Goddammit mother, why are you fucking House? I should be fucking House? ARGHHHHHH, alright, one more question? How did Dennis find out before I did?" said Gary

Gary's Mother said, " I ran into him and his mother at the store, where I brought up the ticket; Dennis looked shocked, and I believe when I left, Dennis was begging his mother too go."

"This is where my ass comes in" House said, "Dennis' mother phoned me saying she needed a favour, so I bought him a ticket to Vancouver, so the little brat couldn't pester her. So hurry up, and pack, we have to get going shortly, because we leave from Halifax International in fucking 3 and a quarter hours"

Gary left the kitchen, and went back to his room

--MEANWHILE IN BC--

Matt was on his computer watching various episodes of Azumanga Daioh on tv links, and was laughing his ass off repeatedly.

"Oh Yukari-sensei, your antics are always top notch, and you're hot to boot. . . AERIS DIES TIME."

Matt opened a new tab up in FireFox, went to AerisDies, typed in Azumanga in the search engine, and all of a sudden the words "Timed Out" appear on the computer screen.

"Fucking Aeris! You piece of shit." Exclaimed Matt.

"Screw it, I'm going out. Take the royal fuck my parents are away this weekend because they would get pissed if I went out at 9 in the morning.*"

Matt let his apartment condo, and went looking for something to do. Matt was a 5 foot 8 inches, 18-year-old man living in Langley, BC. Brown hair, blue-eyed beautiful man who looked like he could tap pussy every night, and day. But was too much of a lazy bastard, and realist to consider the option of fucking chicks. Why? Well Matt has the philosophy that to get woman, you must have a job, and money.
Matt was walking to mall in hopes to buy an album by The Swans when he over heard some talking. Matt looked around, and saw practically no one. Matt then heard the word "oh yes" and it boggled his mind. Matt then noticed a large tree next to an even larger tree; usually Matt would ignore this, but something about the voice was familiar. Matt then heard a cry of "AHHHHHHHHHHH PEEPER" and a person fell out of the tree.

"Ow, that was worth it" said the man "Oh, hello there you strolling about?"

"Actually... I was on my way to the..." Matt stopped there and noticed the man was wearing a blue suit, with a loosened red tie, and was wearing round coke-bottle glasses. He also had shaggy black hair, and his mouth was opened all the way. Matt then noticed a young half naked woman in a building next to the tree where the man fell out of. She looked about 15 years old, she was yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Pervert, Pervert" she yelled

"Um, shouldn't we get out of here?" Matt said, with a bizarre expression on his face.

"Oh, so you're right, it was worth it though to see those marvellous tits. By the way, I'm Mr. Kimura."

Matt look startled, when he heard that name he was flabbergasted.

"Kimura you say." Said Matt.

"Yes, that's correct." Replied Kimura.

"The same Kimura from Azumanga Daioh?" Matt Said.

"Why, yes I have no idea how I ended up here but I like all the pretty young girls so I have no intention of going back to a work of fiction just yet, even if it means forgetting my family, and my beloved KAORIN*."

"Well, talk about foreshadowing" Matt Said.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that" said Kimura. At the moment the women in the building threw a bag of empty aluminium cans onto Matt's head causing him to react explosively.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT THOSE MAY BE CANS BUT THEY HURT" Matt Yelled.

"HEY YOU PERVERTS GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I PHONE THE COPS ON YOU" The Woman replied

"Ah fuck this, I'm going to HMV before I get my ass beat by cops, you know they always keep a n*gga down." Matt said in an expression of a black man

"Wait." Kimura said.

"What is it?" Matt replied.

"Could I have those cans?" Kimura said.

"Take them, they're yours." Matt answered as he handed Kimura the cans.

"Thank you." Kimura said. "Also, take this card I found in my pocket when I woke up in this world"

Matt took the card, which said 'The Revolution Inc' in big letters, and on the back it said in small letter 'bringing the obscure to reality' and he walked away.

Matt then said "Well, this looks like foreshadowing, but IT'S GIRA TIME!"

End Chapter 1