It had been a brutal flight for our young hero Gary, for Dennis just HAD to go and be an obnoxious cunt the whole way to Vancouver. But there they were, finally arriving at their destination, even though they don't have a fucking clue why they were sent there. After a casual stroll through the duty-free store for pornography and cigars purchased with a shady fake I.D. bearing the name "Charles Munroe", the duo head out into the streets in hopes of finding some amazing adventures....or cheap ale, either would do. Not two minutes after they exit the building, they see a man, well-coifed, getting one Hell of a knob-shine from an individual who looked like a combination of Carmen Miranda and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Hey, Gary, you've gotta see this!" Dennis gleefully exclaimed.

A loud groan escaped Gary, "Ugh, see what?"

"That guy with the funky hair getting his dick sucked!"

Gary chuckled to himself; leave it to an obnoxious faggot like Dennis to notice something like this. Then he noticed something, the man being blown by the freak in the fruit-hat looked an awful lot like Morrissey. This bewildered him, since the seal hunt hating cunt was not exactly Canada's biggest fan, so what would he be doing in Vancouver?

"Fucking funny, innit?" Dennis spat whilst giving Gary a smack across the head.

The flattened hand caressed the back of his skull with all the softness of a titanium girder. Gary drew his fist to give Dennis a punch in the face and swung. Suddenly, the outline of another fist appeared over his and Dennis received a crushing blow. He topples to the ground like a sack of shit.

"HEY, WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! CALM DOWN!!!!"

Gary was awestruck, he clenched his fist again and the outline appeared once more. There was a blinding flash of light, then a strange sound. Next to Gary stood a completely solid figure, humanoid in shape, but not merely humanoid so much as completely human in appearance. His jaw dropped, and his cock shot up like a Marine standing to attention. He cried tears of joy. Standing by his side was a beautiful young girl.

"THE FUCK?!"

Gary's eyes slowly rolled back, he was in Heaven. He had just decked a fucker who had annoyed him for years and was flanked by a gorgeous vision that may or may not be real. He lifted Dennis to his feet.

"Gary, goddammit, what the Hell is going on here? First you kick my ass, now there's some chick JUST STANDING THERE!"

"Well, my annoying friend, I'm not too sure what's going on here either."

"This may be a radical idea, but you ever consider ASKING HER WHAT THE FUCK SHE'S DOING HERE?"

Clearly too boner-stoned to keep a straight face, Gary manages to quit grinning long enough to spit out "So, precisely why have you appeared here and what's your name?"

The girl put on a grin wider than his, "I am a spiritual projection of your life energy, sort of a psychic bodyguard and companion. Projections like me are commonly referred to as 'Stands' since we stand next to our user. As for a name, I do not have a name. That is up to you to select."

Gary was shocked. He had heard of Stands before, but only in fiction.

"Gary, I'm fucking freaked out now, do you have a clue what she's on about?"

"OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!!!!"

"What?"

"SO YOU MEAN TO SAY I'M LIKE A FUCKING JOESTAR?!"

His Stand giggles, "Well, no, not really."

"Gary, what the fuck is a Joestar?"

Gary inhales loudly, preparing to deliver one of his patented rants. "The Joestars are a family of Stand users from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, one of my all-time favorite anime and manga series. They are the main characters of the series and always possess the best Stands."

"Oooh, I see someone is well-informed!" the Stand chimes in.

Gary then realized how....absurd this situation was. "Waitaminute, why have I suddenly attained powers only fictional characters possess? This doesn't make much sense..."

"I myself don't really understand, since we Stands have only ever existed in the realm of the fictitious. But Stand users and other imaginary beings have begun to pop up all over the world. The reasoning for this phenomenon has yet to be discovered."

Dennis and Gary take a second to suck all this strangeness in, then in unison groan "Fuck this, let's go to Langley."

It didn't take very long to locate the nearest Sky Train. The train wasn't scheduled to leave for about twenty minutes, so it gave our heroes some time to bask in the excitement of the station.

"Man, I tell you, nothing like this back on the island..." Gary mutters to himself.

Dennis wanders around, gawking at everyone. He notices a yellow line near the edge of the platform, close to the tracks. A devilish thought crossed his mind. "Over the line, behind the line, over the line, behind the line, over the line, behind the line, over the-"

A random passerby bumps Dennis and he slides over the edge, landing on the tracks. Being the moron that he is, he's quite amused by this misfortune. Not thirty seconds after landing on the tracks, a train crushes his body to a bloody pulp.

After sitting in a haze, scratching his balls for twenty minutes, Gary stands up and walks towards the newly arrived train. He boards it, not caring that Dennis appears to be absent and rides to Langley.

After a comfortable train ride, Gary and his Stand exit the train and run right into an inexplicably alive Dennis.

"Ugh, hey man. Wanna go for fish n' chips or something?"

For once in their lives, they were hivemind. Gary was dying for some chips, so he agreed. They ran to the nearest restaurant and gorged themselves on French fries and haddock. Afterwards, Gary took off to the nearest HMV in order to satiate his craving for Swans and bad weeaboo cartoons. Scouring the racks for a copy of The Great Annihilator, he bumps into a strangely familiar person.

"Mattykins?"

"Gendo-chan?"

"MATTYKINS!"

"GENDO-CHAN!"

The person was Matt Tosoff, his assbuddy/ e-penpal. They'd been dying to meet each other for a while, but little did they realize that this meeting would change their lives forever.

END