Dear God, Tom Waits is the best singer ever.

Spent all of last night listening to Swordfishtrombones, Rain Dogs and Bone Machine, amazing albums.

He sounds like a drunk gargling razorblades in a smokehouse for week after having been hit by a car.

"Singapore" is the best song ever written about pirates.

Go buy all of his albums.

Start wearing three-piece suits.

Drink whiskey until you go blind.